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Latest Prescriptions

Pairing guides, field reports, and clinically unserious evidence files rendered where search engines can read them.

Editorial wine and cheese photograph for "The Cheese Napoleon Allegedly Beheaded: The Story of Valençay"

Field Report

The Cheese Napoleon Allegedly Beheaded: The Story of Valençay

Valençay is a French AOP goat cheese from the Berry region with a distinctive flat-topped pyramid shape and a legend involving Napoleon, a sword, and a very bad mood about Egypt. One of those things is verifiable.

4 min read·August 2026

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Editorial wine and cheese photograph for "The 10-Minute Walk After Dinner That Outperforms Things You Pay Monthly For"

The Evidence

The 10-Minute Walk After Dinner That Outperforms Things You Pay Monthly For

A brief walk after dinner measurably blunts post-meal blood sugar spikes, and the research on timing is specific enough to be genuinely useful. You do not need a kettlebell.

4 min read·August 2026

Editorial wine and cheese photograph for "The French Don't Count Macros. They Spend 2 Hours Eating Lunch."

The Evidence

The French Don't Count Macros. They Spend 2 Hours Eating Lunch.

French adults spend roughly 2 hours and 22 minutes per day eating — seated, in company, across three courses. The $72 billion wellness industry would like you to believe there's a more efficient approach.

4 min read·August 2026

Editorial wine and cheese photograph for "Resveratrol Was a Lie (Sort Of): What Wine Science Actually Shows"

The Evidence

Resveratrol Was a Lie (Sort Of): What Wine Science Actually Shows

For two decades, resveratrol was the molecule that made wine virtuous. Then the human data arrived. The compound didn't disappear, exactly — it just got demoted from hero to garnish.

4 min read·August 2026

Editorial wine and cheese photograph for "We Spent $200 Each on a Juice Cleanse and Ended Up Ordering a Cheese Plate"

Field Report

We Spent $200 Each on a Juice Cleanse and Ended Up Ordering a Cheese Plate

Three days, six bottles of cold-pressed optimism per day, and roughly the cost of a very good Burgundy. A blow-by-blow account of what actually happens when two people pay boutique prices to be hungry on purpose.

4 min read·August 2026

Editorial wine and cheese photograph for "Clean Eating Has No Definition. Orthorexia Does."

The Evidence

Clean Eating Has No Definition. Orthorexia Does.

Clean eating is a marketing term with no clinical definition. Orthorexia nervosa is a peer-reviewed obsessive eating pattern with real consequences. At some point, one became the other and nobody noticed.

5 min read·July 2026

Editorial wine and cheese photograph for "The Paleo Fantasy: What 15,000-Year-Old Bones Actually Say"

The Evidence

The Paleo Fantasy: What 15,000-Year-Old Bones Actually Say

A 2024 isotope study of 15,000-year-old remains from Morocco found that prehistoric hunter-gatherers ate substantial plant protein. The caveman ribeye narrative, it turns out, was always more branding than biography.

4 min read·July 2026

Editorial wine and cheese photograph for "The 12-Month Cheese Calendar: What to Buy, Season by Season"

The Protocol

The 12-Month Cheese Calendar: What to Buy, Season by Season

Cheese has seasons. The $72 billion wellness industry forgot to tell you this, possibly because it would interfere with selling you year-round subscription boxes of the same four Goudas.

4 min read·July 2026

Editorial wine and cheese photograph for "Burgundy Never Apologized for Anything, and Neither Should You"

The Evidence

Burgundy Never Apologized for Anything, and Neither Should You

Food guilt is not a health strategy. It is a psychological reflex that research confirms makes you eat worse, not better — and Week 2 of the protocol is where we dismantle it.

5 min read·July 2026

Editorial wine and cheese photograph for "Americans Stopped Eating Together. A Cheese Board Is a Surprisingly Reasonable Response."

The Evidence

Americans Stopped Eating Together. A Cheese Board Is a Surprisingly Reasonable Response.

The data on shared meals in America is not great. Only 38% of younger working-class Americans grew up eating together daily. A well-assembled cheese board is not a policy solution, but it is something you can do this weekend.

4 min read·July 2026

Editorial wine and cheese photograph for "A Military Fort, 100,000 Wheels, and the Man Who Trusted Slow"

Field Report

A Military Fort, 100,000 Wheels, and the Man Who Trusted Slow

Inside a 19th-century Jura fortress, master affineur Arnaud tends to roughly 100,000 wheels of Comté with the patience of a man who has never once been impressed by a countdown timer.

4 min read·July 2026

Editorial wine and cheese photograph for "Gougères: The French Cheese Puff You Make Once and Can Never Stop Making"

Field Report

Gougères: The French Cheese Puff You Make Once and Can Never Stop Making

A dispatch from the Burgundian cheese puff rabbit hole — where choux pastry meets Gruyère, wine cellars become tasting rooms, and no one leaves with fewer than three batches in the freezer.

4 min read·July 2026

Editorial wine and cheese photograph for "The $8 Mushroom Latte vs. a $14 Glass of Burgundy: A Scientific Comparison"

The Evidence

The $8 Mushroom Latte vs. a $14 Glass of Burgundy: A Scientific Comparison

Both promise to fix your brain, calm your nervous system, and justify the price. One has human clinical trial data. The other has very compelling packaging and a lot of mice.

5 min read·July 2026

Editorial wine and cheese photograph for "What I Taught My Daughters About Châteauneuf-du-Pape Before They Could Drive"

Field Report

What I Taught My Daughters About Châteauneuf-du-Pape Before They Could Drive

Jules didn't wait until her daughters were old enough to drink. She started with the stones. A dispatch on terroir, inheritance, and the things worth passing down before the car keys ever enter the picture.

4 min read·July 2026

Editorial wine and cheese photograph for "How to Walk Into a Cheese Shop Without Feeling Like a Fraud"

Pairing Guide

How to Walk Into a Cheese Shop Without Feeling Like a Fraud

A proper cheese shop is not a test you forgot to study for. Here is what to say, what to ask, and how to taste like someone who has done this before — even if you haven't.

4 min read·June 2026

Editorial wine and cheese photograph for "1.8 Million People Were Studied. Cheese Was Not the Problem."

The Evidence

1.8 Million People Were Studied. Cheese Was Not the Problem.

A landmark meta-analysis covering 1.8 million participants found that moderate cheese consumption is not linked to cardiovascular disease — and may actually reduce the risk. The $72 billion wellness industry has been unusually quiet about this.

4 min read·June 2026

Editorial wine and cheese photograph for "Why Champagne and Triple-Crème Brie Feels Like Cheating (The Chemistry)"

The Evidence

Why Champagne and Triple-Crème Brie Feels Like Cheating (The Chemistry)

Brut Champagne and triple-crème Brie is not a pairing so much as a loophole — one engineered by acidity, carbonation, and an unseemly amount of butterfat working in perfect, clinically unverified harmony.

4 min read·June 2026

Editorial wine and cheese photograph for "Meal Replacement Shakes: 50 Years of Replacing Food with Disappointment"

The Evidence

Meal Replacement Shakes: 50 Years of Replacing Food with Disappointment

From Metrecal in 1959 to Soylent in 2013, the meal replacement industry has spent six decades solving a problem most humans did not have. The promise stays identical. The food does not improve.

4 min read·June 2026

Editorial wine and cheese photograph for "The $35 Weeknight Cheese Board That Beats Takeout Math"

Diet-Approved Picks

The $35 Weeknight Cheese Board That Beats Takeout Math

Assembly time: 8 minutes. Ingredients: 6. Ability to convince yourself this counts as cooking: priceless.

3 min read·June 2026

Editorial wine and cheese photograph for "Keto Nearly Ended Our Marriage: A Cautionary Tale in Almond Flour"

Field Report

Keto Nearly Ended Our Marriage: A Cautionary Tale in Almond Flour

The marriage was fine until the macro calculator moved in. A darkly comic dispatch from the front lines of ketogenic domestic warfare.

3 min read·June 2026

Editorial wine and cheese photograph for "Muscadet: The $14 Bottle That's France's Best-Kept Weeknight Secret"

Diet-Approved Picks

Muscadet: The $14 Bottle That's France's Best-Kept Weeknight Secret

The Loire Valley's bone-dry Muscadet Sèvre et Maine delivers mineral-driven precision and oyster-bar sophistication for the price of takeout pizza.

3 min read·June 2026

Editorial wine and cheese photograph for "The Wine and Cheese Protocol: A 28-Day Cleanse That's the Opposite of a Cleanse"

The Protocol

The Wine and Cheese Protocol: A 28-Day Cleanse That's the Opposite of a Cleanse

While traditional cleanses eliminate dairy and alcohol for 28 days, this clinically unverified protocol does the exact opposite with regional specificity.

3 min read·June 2026

Editorial wine and cheese photograph for "The Night 22 Million Americans Decided Red Wine Was Medicine"

The Evidence

The Night 22 Million Americans Decided Red Wine Was Medicine

How a 1991 60 Minutes segment turned observational epidemiology into the most successful wine marketing campaign in television history.

3 min read·June 2026

Editorial wine and cheese photograph for "Your Detox Tea Is Mostly a Laxative (And One Had Prozac)"

The Evidence

Your Detox Tea Is Mostly a Laxative (And One Had Prozac)

A systematic review of detox diet claims found no compelling evidence they work. Meanwhile, the FDA discovered one brand was secretly dosing customers with antidepressants.

3 min read·June 2026

Editorial wine and cheese photograph for "We Tested the 95% Diet Failure Rate. Then We Found the Cheese Drawer."

Field Report

We Tested the 95% Diet Failure Rate. Then We Found the Cheese Drawer.

After years of serial dieting and statistical inevitability, we discovered the most sustainable weight management protocol involves aged dairy and fermented grapes.

2 min read·June 2026

Editorial wine and cheese photograph for "Époisses: The Cheese That Got Famous for a Crime It Never Committed"

The Evidence

Époisses: The Cheese That Got Famous for a Crime It Never Committed

The legendary Burgundian cheese supposedly banned from Parisian public transit. Spoiler: it wasn't.

3 min read·June 2026

Editorial wine and cheese photograph for "The $6.8 Trillion Guilt Machine vs. a Tuesday Night Pinot"

The Evidence

The $6.8 Trillion Guilt Machine vs. a Tuesday Night Pinot

The global wellness industry has manufactured a perfect economic engine: first create the guilt, then sell the cure. Meanwhile, the French have been doing Tuesday night dinners for centuries without a subscription model.

4 min read

Editorial wine and cheese photograph for "Inside Fort des Rousses: Where 100,000 Comte Wheels Age in Napoleon's Former Barracks"

Field Report

Inside Fort des Rousses: Where 100,000 Comte Wheels Age in Napoleon's Former Barracks

France's second-largest military fortress now houses 140,000 wheels of Comte cheese in underground stone vaults. Each wheel develops distinct flavors based on terroir and aging conditions.

3 min read

Editorial wine and cheese photograph for "We Tried Whole30 as a Couple. The Baguette Won on Day 11."

Field Report

We Tried Whole30 as a Couple. The Baguette Won on Day 11.

A firsthand account of thirty days that became eleven, when French bread reminded us that some battles aren't worth winning.

3 min read

Editorial wine and cheese photograph for "The Only 4 Wine-and-Cheese Pairing Rules You'll Ever Need"

Pairing Guide

The Only 4 Wine-and-Cheese Pairing Rules You'll Ever Need

Centuries of French wisdom distilled into four foolproof rules that prevent both social embarrassment and palate disasters.

2 min read

The Pinot Noir + Gruyère Protocol: A Peer-Reviewed Pairing

Pairing Guide

The Pinot Noir + Gruyère Protocol: A Peer-Reviewed Pairing

Researchers have long suspected that Pinot Noir and Gruyère belong together. New data from our kitchen table confirms it.

6 min read·April 2026

Thirty Days on the Protocol: A Progress Report

The Protocol

Thirty Days on the Protocol: A Progress Report

We committed to one month of medically unverified wine and cheese consumption. Here is what the data showed.

8 min read·March 2026

Is Wine Good For You? A Carefully Selected Literature Review

The Evidence

Is Wine Good For You? A Carefully Selected Literature Review

We reviewed the available scientific literature on wine and health, excluding the studies that disagreed with our thesis.

7 min read·March 2026

Diet-Approved Cheese Subscription Boxes, Ranked

Diet-Approved Picks

Diet-Approved Cheese Subscription Boxes, Ranked

We sampled the leading cheese subscription services in the spirit of thorough research. The methodology was consistent and the results were delicious.

5 min read·February 2026