We committed to one month of medically unverified wine and cheese consumption. Here is what the data showed.
Thirty days. Two bottles of wine per week, a rotating selection of aged cheeses, and a commitment to tracking everything in a spreadsheet that our accountant eventually asked us to stop sending him.
Week One: The Adjustment Phase
The body adapts. The palate sharpens. The habit of eating cheese at 10pm without guilt takes approximately three days to form and approximately three years to stop, based on projected data.
Weeks Two and Three: Sustained Compliance
Compliance on The Protocol is unusually high compared to conventional diets. There is no hunger. There is no craving phase. There is, instead, a 7pm ritual of uncorking something reasonable and assembling a board that you tell yourself is a light snack.
The Numbers
We are not a licensed medical institution and will not publish weight outcomes. What we will report: morale was high, dinner parties improved substantially, and two participants reported their doctors asked what they had been doing differently. Neither participant mentioned The Protocol.
* This article contains opinions, satire, and possibly correct information about wine and cheese. It is not medical advice.
